What is freedom?

I say I value freedom above all, but keep setting instructions for me to follow. To be effective and efficient, I’ve found that, I should build good habits, avoid bad habits and follow a good routine. That requires discipline to follow pre-planned ideas. That kinda goes opposite of freedom. So I think I need to rethink the model of freedom I want if I want to reconcile with the twin ideas of freedom and responsibilities.
Firstly freedom without responsibilities is neither possible nor desirable. Why is it not possible? Because, in a world of form where everything falls apart all the time, someone needs to take responsibility for my existence. If that someone is not me, then I can’t be totally free, I am bound by the wishes of some other to ensure proper existence. So that someone should be me. I need to be capable enough to shoulder my own burden.
Why is it not desirable? Well firstly because it’s not true freedom as discussed above and also because it denies dignity.

We must impose order inside and outside of us to exist. The more I give freedom to my whims and impulses the less control I have on the direction of my life.
So what is freedom really? Is it freedom to not work? Freedom to sing whenever I want to? Freedom to harm others? What is the freedom that I am after? Is it freedom of choice? Freedom from relying on other people?
I would guess I just don’t want to have to answer to someone else. I want to be the supreme authority of my life. Now to some extent that’s impossible. There’s the government and seniors and religious or other leaders who will often have authority over me. But if I can shoulder my own burden, by either decreasing my wishes or increasing my capabilities, then some above average freedom sounds possible.
Maybe the best kind of freedom is inner freedom. Freedom from being attached to thoughts and feelings. That requires constant upkeep though. I have to meditate and listen to spiritual stuff everyday.
Also I might like the freedom of designing my own life. But that would require being capable enough to shoulder all that responsibilities myself. And for that, I must let go of the freedom of being impulsive and rather be disciplined, like an AI.

I hated discipline so I looked for better alternatives.

I have always struggled with procrastination. It’s in my genes. I am always submitting things late, often doing them in the last possible moment. Most of my academic studies are done the day before an exam.

A few months earlier I decided to change that. I decided that I’ll do the right things at the right time. But, I couldn’t. I kept slacking off.

So, I went to the all knowing Google and asked it how I could develop discipline. The answers were plenty. The answers were helpful.

This is one Quora reader had to say: “Discipline is always hard. It’s not going to be easier even after 10 years of practice. So mind will always say no. The trick is to stop listening to the mind. Do what you have to do. Pain of discipline is the price of happiness.”

Isn’t it beautiful?

I got so moved by this message that I sprung into action. For 2 days straight I wasted no time in vain. Until I did. In the 3^rd day, my exams were over and I fell back to my usual, lazy self.

After that, I tried to adopt discipline again in my life, multiple times. But I failed. So I started looking for different ideas that could help me with my procrastination habit.

One lazy evening, I was hanging out at a friend’s dorm room. I picked up a book and started reading it. I got hooked. I kept reading the book for about 2 hours before falling asleep.

When I woke up, I realized I had come across a rare gem. This is the book that I needed. I picked up the book again and started thinking about how I would use this in my real life.

And boy o’ boy was my life changed! This book shook my entire life. I realized I didn’t need discipline. At least not the kind that we are familiar with- where you force yourself to do things.

This book helped me realize how my identity was the fuel for my actions. It taught me how I had to organize my environment to facilitate the things I want to do. It taught me how to get rid of my vices.

The book is Atomic Habits.

(You can read my book review about the book here: Atomic Habits is a must read for everyone)