Self Image: Just Let it Go

I’ve been pondering about this thing in my mind recently. It’s self image. I think there’s two types of self image.

1. What I think of myself &
2. What I think that others may think of myself.

Pursuit of an ego-less state

Since I read The Power of Now, I’ve been in a pursuit of an ego-less state. Wait, the previous statement is wrong. I’ve been in the pursuit of an ego-less state at least 2 years before that. But I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for. The Power of Now let me put my thoughts in the right perspective.

I have had this book with me since I was 17 years old. Yet, I never read any of it until my 18th birthday. I don’t know why. I thought it was not something for me. I used to think that even without reading a line from the book. I thought I needed a book more like- the power of the future. Or at least something like- how to accept your past.

I intuitively knew The Power of Now was a good book though. Something inside me kept telling me that the power indeed is in the now. But I ignored that voice, up until my 18th birthday. After that, I finally read it. And I must say, It’s been the most influential book of my life.

One day I fell severely sick. This was after my 21st birthday. I had to stay on bed for almost 2 months. That is when I really started listening to Eckhart Tolle on YouTube. I also read his other book- A New Earth. Then, I watched all his interviews with Oprah. I also downloaded the audio version of his retreat called Journey into yourself.

All this made me come to terms with the first kind of self image. I started to really get transparent in this area.

But the second type kept creeping in. In my behavior, actions and decisions. I always knew it was there. But somehow I’d rationalize its existence. I’d say to myself things like- I need to know what others may think of me. Or something like, I have to keep a good image in front of others, it’s useful. This has been a burden that is too heavy to bear. But I kept bearing it anyway, in hopes of getting approval from others.

At last, I let it go

Last week, I started noticing this in me again. But this time it was different. This time I didn’t rationalize it anymore. I just let it go. And I’ve never felt lighter.

Why have I been successful to push it away now though? I don’t know the answer. But, maybe my daily meditation practice is the reason.

What I’m realizing now is, all my insecurities were based on false assumptions. Once I let go of ‘pretending’ to be someone I’m not, I’ve been better at social occasions. I’m spontaneous and genuine and I respect myself more for that.

Let me know if you ever struggled with any of this! I’d also like to know how you overcame your struggles.